The Cell Phone Mafia

I will never be the person with the latest and greatest cell phone. The first reason for this is that I am not a person with a large paycheck. I’d rather have groceries than a new phone. The second reason for this is the mere fact that I get confused by cell phones easily.

I have, however, determined one thing about cell phones that I’m moderately proud of and sure no one else has realized before.

Cell phone companies have low-jack on our phones. This low-jack is set to screw up the phone two or three weeks after the phone becomes eligible for a “free” upgrade.

With a two-year contract extension that is.

It never fails that once a year, I get notified I can have a new phone. I’ve told the man at the phone store – I’m not interested. I JUST figured out how to lock the screen on the phone I got LAST year so I no longer hang up on people during phone calls. I still cannot change my ringtone. And when I’m done with some apps I have to turn the phone off and on again. Clearly, I’m not done figuring this one out. No thanks on the upgrade.

But it’s not that easy! The powers that be at the phone company give me that two or three week grace period then BAM! They push the button that makes the screen stop responding as well, the calls to drop, and the voicemail icon to stay on 24/7 even when there is no message. Amazingly, the calls, texts, and emails telling me to sign up for 2 more years and get a free phone never seem to have a problem. I have not even figured out what I’m doing with this one and they want me to get a bigger, better, harder one to navigate?

Coincidence? I think not.

Realistically, I’m at about 2006 on the cell phone technology spectrum. I’m standing strong, sorry to say it cell phone man, but I predict that this thing will probably self-destruct Inspector Gadget style by the time Spring Break rolls around. Well played cell phone makers, well played.