The worst part of being home on "restricted activities" for the remainder of this pregnancy? I'm stuck with daytime television. I hate it. I try to listen to the radio more and maybe catch the Price is Right, but these talk shows? Who on Earth is sitting at home watching these with baited breath?
SOMETIMES I can get a good recipe off Rachel Ray or find out about a new product. I'll tune into her from time to time to check her out, but I'm royally regretting that decision today. Not only did she chose the most overdone, overrated topics for today "lets give people a makeover!"...but she took it to a new level by forcing these makeovers onto guys. Some volunteered, some nominated by their wives - because nothing says "I love you" more than "let me take you on television to tell you everything that's wrong with your hair, face, and clothes so you can then be frilled up for an hour, only to return to everything I hate by the time we get home, and most likely tormented by your friends for the next 3 years when we get home". I'll apologize to my husband in advance, I suppose, for not nominating him and loving him (DARE I SAY IT?) just the way he is!!
I groaned through the haircut section thinking this is stupid. No guy is taking notes to hand to Bob the Barber later this week.
Then they crossed the line. The guyliner line. Really?? I might put on eye liner once a week - tops. How can I possibly go out of the house knowing that he might look more put together than me if he jumps on the guyliner train? And how are we going to survive the bathroom shuffle if he starts adding makeup to the agenda? I got past that though, knowing that no man would willing do that and the women that force their husbands to do it are sacrificing their own bathroom time - not mine. Then they went further and it became personal.
"Beards need gel."
What?! Yeah, read it again, I had to. I didn't type it wrong. And I didn't hear it wrong (I backed up the DVR to double check!). My husband's gorgeous, manly beard - needs gel? Fabulous! Just what I want to deal with after giving him a kiss - washing the greasy gel off my face. Does it double as hair gel? Because that's what I'll end up with after a hug. And wasn't the point of him getting the beard to look like a strong, rugged man? Not some dolled up pretty boy ready to be paraded around like one of those poor little dogs people cram into purses? You've crossed the line Rachel Ray, I'm feeling quite upset and if I wouldn't have to get out of the chair to waddle across the room for the remote I'd be changing this channel STAT!
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, they started dressing these poor guys. I don't want to see a man in store-bought beat up jeans. I don't want a man in a magenta sports coat or a neutral one with a "festive" pocket square. Varsity looking sweaters in your 30's and bomber jackets THIS CENTURY are simply unforgivable.
I want a man in a pair of well-worn blue jeans, sneakers that have seen some wear, and a t-shirt that smells just like him within 30 minutes of putting it on. I want a trimmed beard left to do its thing and hair that falls into place wherever it falls following a shower. I want to smell Irish Spring soap, not lavender man lotions when he gets into bed at night. If I wanted all of this grooming, make up, and girly fashion happening in my love life - I'd have switched teams long enough.
So, I'm mad at you Rachel Ray! For messing with these men and insinuating that mine isn't fine the way he is! I'm glad I'm not married to myself and that when he walks up, its clear that he's a hardworking man's man. THAT'S a YUM-O I can behind!!
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