There are a lot of definitions surrounding forgiveness and the word forgive in general. At Easter time, the definition of "to forgive someone for (something wrong)" rings truer than ever. I would be lying to say I don't tend to think about this word around this time of the year. I know over the last 5 years I have grown much closer to God and his forgiveness for all my sins. I've definitely kept him on his toes ;)
But this Easter, the word hit home in a different way. I'm not dragging things out and airing my dirty laundry but I just want to say I was a really bad friend to someone who was trying to help me and be my friend 6 years ago (notice the coincidental time lines here). I said things no friend should ever say under any circumstance. Ever. And for the last 5 years I've felt sorry, guilty, remorseful, and embarrassed by what I did. I wanted to reach out but I couldn't imagine someone forgiving me and being willing to talk again. And, I was mortified for how I behaved and new that it would have to be addressed. Honestly, talking about that period of life depresses me to no end. I couldn't do it. Even though I wanted to and I missed my friend.
The day before Easter, I ran into my friend's mom and learned my friend, my 31 year old full of life friend, has been battling breast cancer and is facing a double mastectomy this week. I felt sick and scared and even worse that before. She was struggling and dealing with scary stuff and I couldn't swallow my pride to admit my wrong doing and ask for forgivness. I was selfish. And wrong. Again. And thanks to an ill-timed grocery store visit, on the day I NEVER go to the store, I had some serious decisions to make.
I reached out to her, scared that my good friend might be gone and I'd missed out on having her in my life - because I was embarrassed. And I learned a very true lesson in forgiveness. While she admits she doesn't understand, she forgives me. She's still my friend. And I honestly think that God and his lessons in forgivness and love that have been touching me for months led up to this moment.
When I met my friend, we were in 5th or 6th grade (I don't fully remember). We were partnered, as two girls that didn't know each other, to sing a Michael W. Smith song "Friends". I've been listening to it again lately and its hitting home.
Friends ARE friends forever, in the Lord's the Lord of them."
Say a prayer for my friend. She's strong, she's loving, she's forgiving, and I'm thankful to God for slowing rebuilding my life and my relationships through him.
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