On the FIFTH Day of our Christmas

On the FIFTH day of our Christmas the gift we gave our kids was: all our love. Sorry we're late, but a blog post was suddenly not so important last night.

Yesterday morning, I got a 6 year old ready for school. We talked about the spelling test he'd been studying for all week and how well I knew he'd do. We talked about which morning snack he wanted to bring, to make sure his morning was great. His lunch was packed with a wonderful compromise of the healthy foods I wanted and the favorite foods he wanted. It was "Santa's Workshop" day too - the kids would all make crafty presents for their family members. He was excited and looking forward to the day. We put on his winter coat and boots, made sure his backpack was ready for his day, and hopped in the car. I dropped him off to his before-school ride and told him "I love you, have a good day. I know you can do it" and I went to work without really giving our morning another thought.

I'm sure in a small Connecticut town a mom like me, with a boy like B, went through the same motions.

I'm sure neither of us thought to address what to do in case a crazed gunman entered the school. We didn't remind the kids of safety measures or talk with them about escape routes from their classrooms.  Why would we? They're little kids. They're six years old.

But at the end of the day, I got to hold my baby in my arms again - along with his little sister. I was glad I had told him I loved him and glad he had been safe.

The other mother was not so lucky.

This hits home. Random shootings are a tragedy no matter what. They are always senseless and never fair. Regardless of circumstances or victims I am always left shaking my head and wondering what could make one person hate so many, many they never knew, so deeply they could kill. But this wasn't that random. An angry adult for reasons unknown chose to target innocent children as they went about their day of learning at their school with their friends.

I can't tell you how many tears I have shed since this news came. I've cried out of the deepest and sincerest form of empathy and sympathy I can muster for the parents, siblings, friends, teachers, and town of Newtown. Sandy Hook Elementary was never on my radar before but now it's at the forefront of my mind and heart. Seeing the children crying and streaming from the school while visibly shaken parents run by searching for their child makes me want to head to the town, start knocking on doors, and personally just hug everyone. Door to door. I wish there was something I could do to truly make this better. Something I could say.  But I know there is not.

The best I can do is offer this bit of promise to those parents: your children will never be forgotten. They will in all of our hearts, especially mine forever. In their short time with us, your children have reminded us all how important life is and how we must value every second. They opened our eyes to what mattered, how to love more fully, and to never take a moment for granted. Because of your children, our world got smaller, the love got bigger, the prayers stronger. People's lives have forever been moved and transformed for the better, even through this evil tragedy.

In honor of the mothers of Newton, I will hug my children extra each night, kiss them one more time, tell them how much I love them, and thank God for them more than before. My tears are not only from pure sadness but from a sense of gratitude for the awakening your children have given this world.

Please pray for Newtown. Pray for the new angel Heaven received yesterday and thank God for wrapping them up in his arms. While there are still many questions here on Earth and countless broken hearts, He will help us all through this and give these families the strength they need to carry on. Your children are our angels now and angels are never forgotten.

Getting my Bible on!

I know I commit to a lot of things. It's what I do. Sadly, diets and frequent blogging aren't as high on that list as I'd like. I'm working on that (I know, broken record...)

Another thing I've wanted to do? Read my Bible. Like the whole thing. I've started before and its tapered off for various reasons. Not good reasons.

But now, thanks to my friend Courtney (and her FABULOUS blog www.oneboredmommy.com - check it out!) I am inspired. She did it. And shared how wonderful it was with her faithful readers, which includes me!

So starting tomorrow - I am starting the program she followed. And I'm not stopping. And I'm sharing it with you. I sincerely mean to. I'm better with accountability. Who's in?

Check out the site I'm following, www.biblein90days.org, sign up for an account. Click on listen to weekly lessons, and then week one - its the guide for the program. One Bible, one fulfilled life, ninety days. Completely worth it.

I want a team. Speak up people :)

And after this? Working out might inch its way up the list too!

Getting serious for a minute

There are a lot of definitions surrounding forgiveness and the word forgive in general. At Easter time, the definition of "to forgive someone for (something wrong)" rings truer than ever. I would be lying to say I don't tend to think about this word around this time of the year. I know over the last 5 years I have grown much closer to God and his forgiveness for all my sins. I've definitely kept him on his toes ;)


But this Easter, the word hit home in a different way. I'm not dragging things out and airing my dirty laundry but I just want to say I was a really bad friend to someone who was trying to help me and be my friend 6 years ago (notice the coincidental time lines here). I said things no friend should ever say under any circumstance. Ever. And for the last 5 years I've felt sorry, guilty, remorseful, and embarrassed by what I did. I wanted to reach out but I couldn't imagine someone forgiving me and being willing to talk again. And, I was mortified for how I behaved and new that it would have to be addressed. Honestly, talking about that period of life depresses me to no end. I couldn't do it. Even though I wanted to and I missed my friend.


The day before Easter, I ran into my friend's mom and learned my friend, my 31 year old full of life friend, has been battling breast cancer and is facing a double mastectomy this week. I felt sick and scared and even worse that before. She was struggling and dealing with scary stuff and I couldn't swallow my pride to admit my wrong doing and ask for forgivness. I was selfish. And wrong. Again. And thanks to an ill-timed grocery store visit, on the day I NEVER go to the store, I had some serious decisions to make.


I reached out to her, scared that my good friend might be gone and I'd missed out on having her in my life - because I was embarrassed. And I learned a very true lesson in forgiveness. While she admits she doesn't understand, she forgives me. She's still my friend. And I honestly think that God and his lessons in forgivness and love that have been touching me for months led up to this moment.


When I met my friend, we were in 5th or 6th grade (I don't fully remember). We were partnered, as two girls that didn't know each other, to sing a Michael W. Smith song "Friends". I've been listening to it again lately and its hitting home.


Friends ARE friends forever, in the Lord's the Lord of them."


Say a prayer for my friend. She's strong, she's loving, she's forgiving, and I'm thankful to God for slowing rebuilding my life and my relationships through him.