On the FIFTH Day of our Christmas

On the FIFTH day of our Christmas the gift we gave our kids was: all our love. Sorry we're late, but a blog post was suddenly not so important last night.

Yesterday morning, I got a 6 year old ready for school. We talked about the spelling test he'd been studying for all week and how well I knew he'd do. We talked about which morning snack he wanted to bring, to make sure his morning was great. His lunch was packed with a wonderful compromise of the healthy foods I wanted and the favorite foods he wanted. It was "Santa's Workshop" day too - the kids would all make crafty presents for their family members. He was excited and looking forward to the day. We put on his winter coat and boots, made sure his backpack was ready for his day, and hopped in the car. I dropped him off to his before-school ride and told him "I love you, have a good day. I know you can do it" and I went to work without really giving our morning another thought.

I'm sure in a small Connecticut town a mom like me, with a boy like B, went through the same motions.

I'm sure neither of us thought to address what to do in case a crazed gunman entered the school. We didn't remind the kids of safety measures or talk with them about escape routes from their classrooms.  Why would we? They're little kids. They're six years old.

But at the end of the day, I got to hold my baby in my arms again - along with his little sister. I was glad I had told him I loved him and glad he had been safe.

The other mother was not so lucky.

This hits home. Random shootings are a tragedy no matter what. They are always senseless and never fair. Regardless of circumstances or victims I am always left shaking my head and wondering what could make one person hate so many, many they never knew, so deeply they could kill. But this wasn't that random. An angry adult for reasons unknown chose to target innocent children as they went about their day of learning at their school with their friends.

I can't tell you how many tears I have shed since this news came. I've cried out of the deepest and sincerest form of empathy and sympathy I can muster for the parents, siblings, friends, teachers, and town of Newtown. Sandy Hook Elementary was never on my radar before but now it's at the forefront of my mind and heart. Seeing the children crying and streaming from the school while visibly shaken parents run by searching for their child makes me want to head to the town, start knocking on doors, and personally just hug everyone. Door to door. I wish there was something I could do to truly make this better. Something I could say.  But I know there is not.

The best I can do is offer this bit of promise to those parents: your children will never be forgotten. They will in all of our hearts, especially mine forever. In their short time with us, your children have reminded us all how important life is and how we must value every second. They opened our eyes to what mattered, how to love more fully, and to never take a moment for granted. Because of your children, our world got smaller, the love got bigger, the prayers stronger. People's lives have forever been moved and transformed for the better, even through this evil tragedy.

In honor of the mothers of Newton, I will hug my children extra each night, kiss them one more time, tell them how much I love them, and thank God for them more than before. My tears are not only from pure sadness but from a sense of gratitude for the awakening your children have given this world.

Please pray for Newtown. Pray for the new angel Heaven received yesterday and thank God for wrapping them up in his arms. While there are still many questions here on Earth and countless broken hearts, He will help us all through this and give these families the strength they need to carry on. Your children are our angels now and angels are never forgotten.

We opened a bakery

We did it. We decided to start our own little bakery with the goal of making safe goodies for food allergy sufferers to enjoy.

The main goal would be to get our goodies into classroom and birthdays throughout the land to let every kid feel completely normal and part of the group. No more "special" plates for kids. They'll get the same piece of cake or cupcake or cookie that everyone else does. This might not seen like a lot to most people, but to a kid (and the parents of these kids) its monumental.

The Bon Bakery came to be from the delightful way Ben said his name when he was little. "I'm Bon" was always followed by the most infectious, beaming, friendly little smile this world has ever seen. No one on the outside could tell that at a moment's notice, that smile could disappear behind a swollen face and hives thanks to food. Nor could they see the anxiety that any of those reactions could make that smile disappear forever. This bakery is "Bon's" Bakery.

Its driven by his Momma and step-dad who have an insane love of cookies, both our kids, and baking treats. Combining these three loves has driven this passion to a new personal level. We want to help kids like Bon experience things. Hopefully, people who are nervous to cook for an allergy kid will reach out to us. It IS daunting and scary if you're not used to it. After five years of navigating this food allergy jungle - we're veterans, but always looking for new ways to spread our goodies and the message behind them.

We've had a little boy sit alone with a different treat because a classroom treat that was brought in wasn't safe. It hurts. We've had a little boy who has been teased for his different "safe treat" during class parties. It infuriates. And we've had a little boy smile so big and squeeze us so tight when we've been able to recreate something he thought he couldn't have. Its inspiring.

Please visit our Etsy store at http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheBonBakery or find us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/TheBonBakery. Help us spread the word and educate people to the needs so many kids and adults face. We might not be able to find a cure, but we've yet to meet a problem that a really good cookie can't make better - especially a safe cookie.

NO SCHMUCKS!

Experienced something new this week. Grounding. Not a new concept to me, but this time around I’m the parent.

It’s weird on this end.

As I recall from my childhood, my mother liked grounding kids. She greatly enjoyed watching our eyes swell with tears as our guilty little lips quivered after being caught doing something that could be chalked up as childhood curiosity, but was still wrong. Seeing our little shoulders slump as we stared at the ground and listened to our simple world of playing with friends and watching tv before bed be shattered before us. And once we were crying, I’m sure she felt a true sense of happiness and fulfillment.

That’s what I got from this process as a kid. That and the fact that she was always over reacting and I never did anything wrong.

Then I had kids. And my oldest, at age 6, did something that was naughtier than what a simple time out could fix. I’ll spare the details (he could Google this at some point and not want his mother sharing his childhood follies in complete details). I had to ground him. Half an hour earlier bedtime and no DS for 4 days. Sounded great in theory. It was hard to say it to him. Then after he went to bed in tears, I sat there fighting back tears. I felt like the meanest, most unfair, horrible mother ever. I took away 30 minutes of his play time. His play time WITH ME. And he doesn’t play the DS often, but it’s the one thing in life he loves to play with more than anything…

Mothers do not like grounding. They might hate it more than the kids. I am not happy or fulfilled. I am sad and full of guilt. I’m not up at night playing his games and laughing at his fate. I’m praying all night that he can just be perfect during this time so I don’t have to extend this. I think that might kill me. I honestly think that grounding my kid is the hardest thing I’ve done since giving birth to him.

All I really want to do is go tell him nevermind and give him a new game as a peace offering for how mean I am. But I know, that’s not what he needs. He’s got friends. He needs his mother to guide him and lead him, even when the path is hard for us both. I repeat this mantra in my head: “I will not raise a schmuck, I will not raise a schmuck…” and it’s gotten us through. I just hope someday he’ll see that punishing him is my least favorite thing of all with being a parent.

Stand strong Mommas. Be firm but love your kids. We can all do this and raise nice boys. The kind of boys we want our daughters marrying.

And I’m sorry Mom, you’re not evil and I’m guessing the same feelings and thoughts went through your head too. Thanks though, I got the message and I’m glad I’m not a schmuck.

Getting my Bible on!

I know I commit to a lot of things. It's what I do. Sadly, diets and frequent blogging aren't as high on that list as I'd like. I'm working on that (I know, broken record...)

Another thing I've wanted to do? Read my Bible. Like the whole thing. I've started before and its tapered off for various reasons. Not good reasons.

But now, thanks to my friend Courtney (and her FABULOUS blog www.oneboredmommy.com - check it out!) I am inspired. She did it. And shared how wonderful it was with her faithful readers, which includes me!

So starting tomorrow - I am starting the program she followed. And I'm not stopping. And I'm sharing it with you. I sincerely mean to. I'm better with accountability. Who's in?

Check out the site I'm following, www.biblein90days.org, sign up for an account. Click on listen to weekly lessons, and then week one - its the guide for the program. One Bible, one fulfilled life, ninety days. Completely worth it.

I want a team. Speak up people :)

And after this? Working out might inch its way up the list too!

Getting serious for a minute

There are a lot of definitions surrounding forgiveness and the word forgive in general. At Easter time, the definition of "to forgive someone for (something wrong)" rings truer than ever. I would be lying to say I don't tend to think about this word around this time of the year. I know over the last 5 years I have grown much closer to God and his forgiveness for all my sins. I've definitely kept him on his toes ;)


But this Easter, the word hit home in a different way. I'm not dragging things out and airing my dirty laundry but I just want to say I was a really bad friend to someone who was trying to help me and be my friend 6 years ago (notice the coincidental time lines here). I said things no friend should ever say under any circumstance. Ever. And for the last 5 years I've felt sorry, guilty, remorseful, and embarrassed by what I did. I wanted to reach out but I couldn't imagine someone forgiving me and being willing to talk again. And, I was mortified for how I behaved and new that it would have to be addressed. Honestly, talking about that period of life depresses me to no end. I couldn't do it. Even though I wanted to and I missed my friend.


The day before Easter, I ran into my friend's mom and learned my friend, my 31 year old full of life friend, has been battling breast cancer and is facing a double mastectomy this week. I felt sick and scared and even worse that before. She was struggling and dealing with scary stuff and I couldn't swallow my pride to admit my wrong doing and ask for forgivness. I was selfish. And wrong. Again. And thanks to an ill-timed grocery store visit, on the day I NEVER go to the store, I had some serious decisions to make.


I reached out to her, scared that my good friend might be gone and I'd missed out on having her in my life - because I was embarrassed. And I learned a very true lesson in forgiveness. While she admits she doesn't understand, she forgives me. She's still my friend. And I honestly think that God and his lessons in forgivness and love that have been touching me for months led up to this moment.


When I met my friend, we were in 5th or 6th grade (I don't fully remember). We were partnered, as two girls that didn't know each other, to sing a Michael W. Smith song "Friends". I've been listening to it again lately and its hitting home.


Friends ARE friends forever, in the Lord's the Lord of them."


Say a prayer for my friend. She's strong, she's loving, she's forgiving, and I'm thankful to God for slowing rebuilding my life and my relationships through him.