Rachel Ray...I've got a bone to pick with you

The worst part of being home on "restricted activities" for the remainder of this pregnancy? I'm stuck with daytime television. I hate it. I try to listen to the radio more and maybe catch the Price is Right, but these talk shows? Who on Earth is sitting at home watching these with baited breath?

SOMETIMES I can get a good recipe off Rachel Ray or find out about a new product. I'll tune into her from time to time to check her out, but I'm royally regretting that decision today. Not only did she chose the most overdone, overrated topics for today "lets give people a makeover!"...but she took it to a new level by forcing these makeovers onto guys. Some volunteered, some nominated by their wives - because nothing says "I love you" more than "let me take you on television to tell you everything that's wrong with your hair, face, and clothes so you can then be frilled up for an hour, only to return to everything I hate by the time we get home, and most likely tormented by your friends for the next 3 years when we get home". I'll apologize to my husband in advance, I suppose, for not nominating him and loving him (DARE I SAY IT?) just the way he is!!

I groaned through the haircut section thinking this is stupid. No guy is taking notes to hand to Bob the Barber later this week.

Then they crossed the line. The guyliner line. Really?? I might put on eye liner once a week - tops. How can I possibly go out of the house knowing that he might look more put together than me if he jumps on the guyliner train? And how are we going to survive the bathroom shuffle if he starts adding makeup to the agenda? I got past that though, knowing that no man would willing do that and the women that force their husbands to do it are sacrificing their own bathroom time - not mine. Then they went further and it became personal.

"Beards need gel."

What?! Yeah, read it again, I had to. I didn't type it wrong. And I didn't hear it wrong (I backed up the DVR to double check!). My husband's gorgeous, manly beard - needs gel? Fabulous! Just what I want to deal with after giving him a kiss - washing the greasy gel off my face. Does it double as hair gel? Because that's what I'll end up with after a hug. And wasn't the point of him getting the beard to look like a strong, rugged man? Not some dolled up pretty boy ready to be paraded around like one of those poor little dogs people cram into purses? You've crossed the line Rachel Ray, I'm feeling quite upset and if I wouldn't have to get out of the chair to waddle across the room for the remote I'd be changing this channel STAT!

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, they started dressing these poor guys. I don't want to see a man in store-bought beat up jeans. I don't want a man in a magenta sports coat or a neutral one with a "festive" pocket square. Varsity looking sweaters in your 30's and bomber jackets THIS CENTURY are simply unforgivable.

I want a man in a pair of well-worn blue jeans, sneakers that have seen some wear, and a t-shirt that smells just like him within 30 minutes of putting it on. I want a trimmed beard left to do its thing and hair that falls into place wherever it falls following a shower. I want to smell Irish Spring soap, not lavender man lotions when he gets into bed at night. If I wanted all of this grooming, make up, and girly fashion happening in my love life - I'd have switched teams long enough.

So, I'm mad at you Rachel Ray! For messing with these men and insinuating that mine isn't fine the way he is! I'm glad I'm not married to myself and that when he walks up, its clear that he's a hardworking man's man. THAT'S a YUM-O I can behind!!

The Wisdom of Rob Van Winkle

A few days late, but with just as much sentiment, Happy New Year to you! I hope everyone had a good one and no one made any resolutions that are just impossible and will make you crabby for the next 2-3 weeks. Me? I made the greatest resolution a few years back and it was the only one that I've ever been able to keep really - no more resolutions. So far, this year is off to a good start too.


I know that people get wrapped up in the newness of the New Year and all of the possibilities facing them, but I personally don't see why we need some sort of uniform date. The motto at our house is based off of the very wise Rob Van Winkle (better known as Vanilla Ice): "If you got a problem, yo - I'll solve it." There's no mention of waiting until January 1st to get started, you got a problem - solve it. Want to lose weight? Do it now. Get out of debt, get to it. Stop smoking? Get cracking (or better yet...never start).





My eyes have been opened to the wisdom of one Rob Van Winkle over the last few months, in part due to my continued love for the early 90's white boy rap of my adolescent years and The Vanilla Ice Project on the DIY Network. The man is more than just a good pair of parachute pants, amazing slanty haircut, and David Bowie ripoff suspect....he's deep. So deep, I'd like to have dinner with the man just to pick his brain.


Have you see this show? By the LOOKS of it, the houses they are working on are about to have their copper pipes ripped out and sold at the local scrap yard for this crew to go get some more tattoos, piercings, and low riding El Caminos.




However, once you're past the initial glance and they start talking you realize that these guys are actually smart and savvy businessmen.


They know how to do things that I'd lose a limb doing. They negotiate high dollar deals, make cost effective decisions to achieve the maximum return on their investment, and they're (sit down and get ready for this one) exemplary role model citizens for the communities that they work in?! Never thought I'd be saying that back in the early and mid-90's - nor during that awkward "Celebrity Rehab" stint with a naked "Mini-Me" and Gary Coleman working with Ice to get him straight. Somehow, somewhere, at some point, the light went off and he made some changes.



Being an over the top rapper, who may be ridiculed but is making way more than the rest of, he's moved into music that he likes to keep his passion going. And into real estate and flipping, to take care of his family. It's shocking and surprising to say the least, but he's rolled with punches. And I don't think he waited for a specified day to do it. I think he woke up one day, realized "Holy Mother of Mary, I'm Vanilla Ice and if I don't make some changes, this life is going to get really bad really fast." It wasn't a monumentous day, announcement, or event. It was a decision that he made on a random day and stuck with. That's how it should be.

So good luck with your resolutions, for me, I'm reveling in my lack thereof and the leave you with one final Rob Van Winkle inspirational thought "Anything less than the best is a felony."